


I Have The Real Thing Waiting At Home

by Chiefchopstix



Category: The X-Files
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-29
Updated: 2020-11-29
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:02:23
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,054
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27784165
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Chiefchopstix/pseuds/Chiefchopstix
Summary: I don't recall Mulder having his porn collection in Season 10 & 11?
Relationships: Fox Mulder/Dana Scully
Comments: 2
Kudos: 13





	I Have The Real Thing Waiting At Home

His infatuation was well-known amongst his colleagues, but those whisperings and gossip were overshadowed by talks of aliens and conspiracies. The only time he felt embarrassed by his side hobby was when his beautiful partner happened to come across one of his raunchier magazines.

"Why do men like this sort of thing?" She asked him when he entered their office.

Stunned, he replied, "Because there will always be a beautiful woman that is out of our league."

"Well, you'll never really know unless you ask," she commented and handed him the magazine while exiting their office.

He never did ask. She made the first move the night she joined him in bed and overloaded all 5 of his senses. Now she is the only woman he wants to see and touch. She is his centerfold and more.

*

When she told him she was expecting he was elated. A marriage proposal soon followed with a quick courthouse wedding. He promised her a proper church wedding after she gives birth.

While packing up his apartment, he came across his collection of magazines and videos. A thin film of dust had gathered on the covers. He hadn't looked at any of it in months. He didn't have a reason. Everything he needed; friendship, love, family and home resided with her.

He hauled all of it to the furnace and incinerated it. His farewell to a lonely and loveless past. All that was left were the few items he kept at work.

*

Before going through 'the drawer', he decided to make a quick phone call.

"Thank you for calling Hustler Publications. My name is Sarah. How may I help you?"

"Yes, Sarah. My name is M.F. Luder, and I would like to cancel my subscription to your publication."

"Let me look up your account. One moment. Yes, Mr. Luder. I see you have 5 subscriptions with us, which includes two print publications, video, and internet access. Which one are you thinking of cancelling?"

"I'd like to cancel all of them, please."

"Are you sure? We do give a preferred customer deal that would save you 20% off of your current subscription rate. With the renewal you'll receive, absolutely free, our new centerfold calendar just in time for the new year."

"I appreciate the offer, Sarah, but I'm newly married and my wife is expecting our first child."

"Oh, I see. Don't want any unneeded competition on the home front."

"There isn't any competition when I have everything at home."

"That so sweet. I rarely receive calls like this, Mr. Luder. Most men rent a P.O. Box and have their subscription sent to that."

"I appreciate your understanding. Thanks for all your help."

"Your cancellation has been completed. Thank you for calling Hustler Publications, and congratulations on your marriage and becoming a father."

"Thanks. Bye."

After he cradled the receiver, he began the arduous task of emptying the drawer in his office. The one that stored all of the videos that didn't belong to him. His fascination began as a teen when one of his friend's older brother owned copies of Playboy. They would sneak one of the magazines from the bottom of the stack because those wouldn't be as missed as the newer issues. 

Martha's Vineyard, 1974

In the late afternoon, just before dinner, they would hide underneath one of the piers on the beaches of Martha's Vineyard. Most families would be sitting around their dinner tables at that time discussing the stock market or politics as they ate. He wouldn't be missed by his parents. His father would be having a liquid dinner, while his mother would already have passed out from taking too many of her prescribed medication. His friend ate dinner later, so as long as his buddy was home in time to eat, no one would worry about him.

The glossy cover depicted a barely clad brunette, lipstick red mouth open and licking whipped cream off a cherry. Fox ran his index finger down the middle of the cover wishing he could feel her soft skin and the wetness of her tongue. He felt an erection begining, but remained seated so his friend wouldn't notice. His friend opened the magazine to the centerfold, and it was the same brunette fully naked. Both boys stared at the image for what seemed like an eternity. 

"Holy shit!" His friend gazed in wonder, also feeling an erection starting.

"Do you think she does that with her husband?" Fox asked

"Husband? I doubt she's married. If she is, he's the luckiest idiot on the planet," his friend said.

They studied each picture, skipping over the articles. They weren't interested in the articles. Who read those anyway?

Mulder's obsession with porn carried on through high school, then across the pond while attending Oxford. Some of the best adult entertainment he found in Europe. No Puritan hangups about sex existed on that continent. Even the adult shops in Europe would make the ones in the former Colonies blush.

*

"Good riddance," Mulder said to Miss April and the double issue that kept his attention for the better part of his workday two years ago.

He took the heavy brown file box out to the trash compactor. The good thing about being on the basement floor was the short walk to 'Chompers the Compactor'. He opened the metal door and threw the box inside, then latched the door and pushed the start button. He listened to the crunch of video cassette plastic from within.

Upon Mulder's return to his office, he found his partner in life and work sitting at the desk.

"Where did you go?" She asked him.

"I brought some lunch to Chompers."

She smiled, "I like how everything around here has a nickname."

"Better than saying I was hauling out trash to the dumpster. Chompers has feelings too," he replied with a smirk.

"We should name your special drawer." She opened it without looking, "Too bad 'Deep Throat' and 'Mr. X' are already taken...." she looked down and noticed it was empty, except for a card with her name on the envelope.

She opened the envelope and read it aloud:  
"Scully - Emptying this drawer was a no-brainer when I have the real thing waiting at home. Love, Mulder"

~The End~

• The X-Files was created by Chris Carter

**Author's Note:**

> I don't recall Mulder having his porn collection in Season 10 & 11?


End file.
